Trying to make the best of whatever time we have left.

Because after four months who knows how we’ll feel

Or even where we’ll be?

breaking down

How and why did I get in this so deep?

I have never been so fucked up and afraid of myself.

I don’t want to be crazy. I can’t be.

This can’t be my life.

Why don’t I want help?

Why do I want to hurt myself?

Why am I so nervous and sad and alone

and addicted?

Why hasn’t anyone noticed

or saved me?

“You don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning.”

– Anonymous

in my room

I fear my thoughts

my hands in the dark

but I will not burden others

I go home

I stay in my room.

 

 

You’re a beautiful person

stop faking

 

The hauntingly enchanting mental anguish

eliminates any physical pain.

I can’t defeat this craving of release.

I promised you I wouldn’t do it

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

– Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

I will not doubt you with the passing of time.

I stopped trying because I thought that’s what you did.