my first first date in 5 years

Shit, it was magical.

I was embarassed to hold eye contact while we sat across from each other – I didn’t want to blush too much looking at him. I’m more attracted to him in person than I expected to be. I tried to keep my expectations low, since I’d only seen photos of him and I rarely feel a spark on first dates. But I was surprised. He is just as sexy (if not more) in person as he was in my head when we were just texting. Knowing that I’m not allowed to touch him yet made me want to do it more. Pandemic dating is kinda hot. There’s more waiting, so there’s more tension and desire and flirting with words and body language. I want to kiss him but I’m so glad I didn’t. I love wondering what it will be like, and trying to picture the perfect moment. I’ve been giggling like a little girl thinking about him. It’s a little ridiculous.

a peek into my [pandemic] dating life

I met someone that makes me excited. Met him virtually, that is.

The way he texts makes me smile, and honestly, it’s sexy. It’s not like he is saying anything suggestive, it’s just that talking to him is refreshing and exciting and it doesn’t feel like small talk. Sometimes it feels like completely unspoken sexual tension. I usually don’t like texting people at all, but getting to know him is so much fun. He has called me ‘cutie’ casually a couple of times and I love it, and I want him to say it more. I very rarely have this feeling so early, this kind of bodily reaction before I’ve even met someone. He has a career and works hard but seems really easy-going. He’s funny. He is so attractive and charming. I want to feel his silky shoulder length black hair. I want to look at his eyes up close.

I can’t wait to meet him in person. I hope it’s magical.

hopeless

I read an article about being in love the other day.

It said that according to brain activity, being in love is a temporary feeling. An obsessive, distracting, consuming feeling. The racing heart, anxiety, anticipation. That a brain in love mimics a brain with a drug addiction. But then it goes away.

What is this feeling called, then, when it isn’t temporary? What if you feel this way for months, even years, every time you see the same person?

Try falling in love after someone like that.